The Mad Shitter Chronicles

"Corkscrew"

2011-01-25T13:36:00.000-05:00

This turd came sliding out of my ass with relative ease... I think it looks like a corkscrew.

"Barack-alypse Now"

2011-01-19T20:26:00.000-05:00

I think that this piece of shit that I laid on top of this mess of other shit pretty much sums up (and represents) the "State of the Union"... No need for another speech Barack; just get the hell out of office soon!

"Martin Luther King Jr."

2011-01-17T20:21:00.005-05:00

I really couldn't think of a better name for this masterpiece, especially on Martin Luther King Jr day, other than "Martin Luther King Jr."

This turd fought for its right to have freedom into the world. Once it got its freedom, it did nothing but stink up the joint and lay around.

I think if I gave this turd a weapon it would run wild in the streets like a crazy fucking monkey.

Anyways... HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING JR DAY.

"Demon Face In My Shit"

2011-01-09T21:01:00.002-05:00

I couldn't believe my eyes when I stared into this demon's face after I gave birth to this piece of ass in the toilet. I think my asshole is possessed by Satan.

"Accident At The Supermarket"

2011-01-09T10:05:00.005-05:00

I found myself running as fast as I could towards the bathroom, straight past the friendly greeter at the door. All I could say to her was "I gotta take a shit!" before I stormed into the shitter and unloaded my shorts. I made every attempt to sit down, but the anus juice just shot out and all over the back of the toilet. I stood in amazement at how it slid down the crown of the toilet with such ease and into the waters of the oval office.

"The Calico Ass Ripper"

2011-01-08T16:19:00.004-05:00

I'm naming this ass-tearing turd "The Calico Ass Ripper" because the colors remind me of a calico cat. I couldn't seem to turn the right way to expel this demon-like piece of shit out of my sphincter fast enough.

I would've really liked to name this turd "half breed oreo nigger piece of shit" but every turd has its own time...

"The Birth Of Jesse"

2010-07-16T18:25:00.004-04:00

Witness the birth of Jesse!

"The Refreshing Wipe"

2010-07-09T16:53:00.002-04:00

Tanning eyewear: $8.00
Tanning salon dues: $20
Wiping your ass on the towel when you're done: Priceless.

"Survivor"

2010-06-20T12:30:00.004-04:00

I'm pretty certain that corn has the ability to camouglage itself in shit now. While its understandable that the shells of corn are made of cellulose, and if you don't chew them, they'll pass right through your ass and into the toilet, but I swear... I didn't chew the fucking corn.

This last shitting adventure yielded an unbelievable amount of shit and ended up clogging the mother fucking toilet again (thank god not mine). There were a couple floaters on the water, but I think the last piece of corn came out on the toilet paper. I will call it "Survivor".

Anyhow, enjoy these photos of my anus-burgers.

"Little Pieces Of Corn In My Shit"

2010-06-19T20:14:00.003-04:00

I shit again and was hoping to see the rest of the 29 oz. of corn come spewing out of my asshole, but all I got was this... How interesting.

"Why Is There Corn In My Poop?"

2010-06-18T18:04:00.006-04:00

The answer is, well, because I put it there!

I ran out of shit to eat in the house and there weren’t too many options. I did, however, buy a couple cans of corn some days back just for an occasion just like this. I opened up a 29 oz. can of Del Monte Whole Kernal Corn, and began preparing a wonderful dish called ‘Southern Fried Corn’.
You basically take the corn and add some butter to it. Season to taste and its really that easy. Eating that much corn in one sitting wasn’t so easy, but I did it. I made it a point to only partially chew the corn so I could see it after it passed out of my ass. I was excited.

If you study the photos below, you can see that this is all that came out of my ass…. From 29 oz. of corn???? What the fuck gives?

One thing I really like about this photo is the piece of corn that is just floating on the water’s surface. I think it was dancing for joy, because it must really smell in my ass!

"BP Oil Spill Solution Proposal"

2010-06-11T08:12:00.006-04:00

As I'm certain the entire world has heard now, the BP oil spill is seriously out of hand at the moment, where they've already contributed more than 40 million gallons of liquid death into the Gulf of Mexico, with no end in sight. I sat down to shit yesterday and saw this really huge roll of toilet paper attached to the wall, and thought, wow... this stuff could create a pretty serious clog if I used enough. I tested out about 150 feet worth of the paper, which is only one-ply. It was enough to fuck up the downward flow of water. If this caused the toilet to spill over then I'd think it was a really good idea. I think that if we come up with a good amound of anything we could plug that leak down there (too bad we can't just use the brains of the BP executives who clearly have the most dense shit for brains... of course there's not much to use), I'll have to try again and see if I can cause a serious stoppage.

"Sculpture Of Rectum"

2010-05-20T16:14:00.002-04:00

I had to shit all day long but never got a chance to do it, as someone was always shitting in my favorite stall. After a long day of holding it, I think that the crap compacted itself in my rectum. This one came out kinda tough... lots of pushing for such a soft looking turd.

I thought I was acheiving partial prolapse (when the mucosa of the rectum comes out through the asshole it is called partial prolapse).

No blood this time though. That's a good thing I guess!

"Blood In My Poop"

2010-05-13T21:26:00.004-04:00

Well the title says it all, really. I was holding this turd in me for a while today. I just didn't really feel like shitting because my asshole burning minutes after taking a shit is getting a little old lately. I'm not kidding... Man, I go to take a shit and I swear even if I hosed my ass off with a firehose, shit will come leaking out later on and start burning. At that point I don't have a choice really, rather than to jam my underwear in my ass-crack and start grinding away to wipe up the fallout. Usually when I have to dig in my ass like that I like to picture myself rubbing some dumb fucking nigger's face in it. I know its a bit of an oxymoron... dumb nigger, being as they both mean the same thing. Anyways... Back on subject, I wiped my ass so much this time there was blood all over the paper. I couldn't help wiping again and again just to look at the blood some more.

"Mushrooms And Corn"

2010-05-03T19:04:00.002-04:00

I'm calling this pot full of corn and unchewed mushrooms "Mushrooms And Corn" because thats what it is! I packed my face full of corn without chewing it and swallowed a couple cans of mushrooms whole. I drank a few two liters of mountain dew and the next day this is what I got.

"Didn't Make It"

2010-04-17T18:04:00.001-04:00

Just couldn't get my fucking pants down fast enough.

"Popping The Big Question"

2010-03-28T18:16:00.002-04:00

I had to work pretty hard today, which doesn’t really leave me much time to take a nice, long break and take a shit. Its usually a ‘power shit’, but today I said fuck it and decided to sit down and let nature take its course. I ate a shitload of food yesterday. For breakfast I had 6 pancakes w/cherries, a 4 egg omlette, a full order of biscuits and gravy, 3 cups of coffee, 2 sausage links and some fruit. Last night I had probably about 3 pounds of ham, two baked potatoes, about a can of corn, half a can of peas, 4 rolls w/butter, 4 cans of Mountain Dew Voltage, and a bottle of beer.

I knew when I took my drawers down this morning that this was gonna be a BIG mother fucker! I held my breath in anticipation of the birth of this mother fucking TITANIC masterpiece. I felt like my fuckin head was gonna pop. I am going to name this asshole-annihilating turd, “Popping the Big Question”.

Its influxed with corn and fibre and in the form of a question mark too. Seems my asshole was asking a question.... "What are you trying to do to me?" I hope you enjoy admiring this turd as much as I do.

"The Centipede" (And Smiley-Faced Shit)

2010-03-21T16:49:00.004-04:00

Its not too often anymore that I'm really surprised at what I see when I look in the toilet. I pray every day for some sort of masterpiece and well, today it happened. Not only did I shit out an incredible sized turd, but it displayed itself in the form of a smiley face.. AND one of the eyes looks like a centipede. I'm truly amazed by this!

I think that sometimes what I'm thinking about has a lot to do with how my body creates these formations. For instance, today I was thinking about the new health care bill that is coming up for vote in congress. I personally think the whole idea is TOTAL SHIT! Why would we want the small businesses and honest, hard-working people to pay for all the losers' health care?! The whole idea is absurd. Anyways, thats besides the point. I think that my asshole winked at me in approval of my disapproval of the new bill's proposal.

"Pretzel Shit"

2010-03-12T12:16:00.003-05:00

I shit today and it looked like a pretzel in the toilet. I can't believe how many times I had to wipe my ass to get it clean... and it burned too! I thought I'd share the paper photo too because the shit streak on the right is funny.

Proctofoam HC

2010-03-11T14:14:00.002-05:00

My physician wrote me a perscription for Proctofoam HC. It's an aerosol foam, which I shake up and fill a syringe. I then place the syringe into my butthole and shoot foam deep into my bowels. The amount of blood in my stool has decreased dramatically and I think my ass is once again healthy. The only drawback to Proctofoam is that for about 5-10 minutes after injection, it feels like you gotta crap really bad. Here is a picture of my shitty syringe immediately after an application.

"The Fiesta Bowl"

2010-03-03T21:16:00.005-05:00

I had gas all day long and enjoyed the hell out of farting everywhere I went. At the gas station when I was buying smokes I nearly shit myself trying to squeeze one out on the bitch granny behind me. That was a sign of course that I needed to seek refuge really quickly in the nearest bathroom. Unfortunately some asshole was in there at the gas station so I held it until I got home.

I'm completely amazed at this shit specimin. What the FUCK is in my SHIT??? Looks like a Mexican Fiesta party in the toilet!

Internal Bleeding

2010-02-28T11:52:00.003-05:00

I have experienced several occasions where there has been a little bit of blood in my stool. This bowel movement was different. This was a fairly loose stool and it appeared as if there was actually blood clots in some of the turds. I called up my doctor and answered some questions over the phone and was told to come into the hospital in no more than 2 hours. I guess they thought it could potentially be a serious problem. There was a new physician on duty, which I had never met before. He told me he needed to do an exam and asked me to take off my clothes and put on the hospital gown. He was a black man with very large hands. He had me lie on my side as he violated me deeply. I have had a few prostate exams, a colonoscopy and a sigmoidoscopy. This guy hurt me as bad as any of my previous violations had. I wonder if he was using 3 fingers? I hope I never have a black man inside me again!

"Colon Leakage"

2010-02-26T15:23:00.004-05:00

I sat down to shit this one out after two bottles of wine, two bass ale (22oz) lasagna, and Italian chicken. I was so fucked up I couldn't see straight, which is why I'm glad the camera was available to capture the moment for after I sobered up.

"Haitian Relief"

2010-02-03T18:31:00.001-05:00

I had a major accident while filming today's shit. The rumbling in my stomach after last night's steakburgers should have been warning enough... I bent over to let loose what I thought would be a massive turd and found out otherwise! I couldn't help but think about the children in Haiti who are dying of dirrhea right now. Please pray for them!

"Hiroshima"

2010-01-31T18:12:00.004-05:00

I had the shits today. Couldn't help squirting into the toilet with style! I name this "Hiroshima" because it looks like the mushroom cloud over them when we nuked them mother fuckers.

The Revolting Blob

2010-01-31T09:29:00.000-05:00

I had lunch this day at Culver's. I ate a Triple Bacon Deluxe Butterburger with cheese and some Dairyland Cheese Curds. The burger was big, greasy and awesome. I was thinking that the cheese curds would stop me up and counteract the grease from the butterburger. I was wrong. When I left Culver's, I did not have to shit. I had a 15 minute drive home. Halfway home, my anus began to quiver and I knew I had mere minutes to find a place to crap or I would shit myself. Luckily, I made it home just in time. As soon as I threw up the toilet lid and pulled down my pants, my asshole spewed this creation. It smelled so bad of stomach acid and burned my ass as well. With the exception of the blob, it felt like I was pissing from my butthole. The Revolting Blob has been born. We have been Culverized!

Rattlesnake

2010-01-28T08:34:00.000-05:00

Some people look at clouds and try to think of what it looks like to them. I do this whenever I take a dump. A little bit of Little Caesar's pizza and a few beers helped me to make this turd. It reminds me of a rattlesnake because of the rattle on the tail end of it.

"Annihilator"

2010-01-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

I don't think there's another name that I can call this massive, 18-20 inch crusader. I mosied over to the bathroom to take just a regular shit and when the turtlehead started coming out, I was in a great deal of pain. I for sure thought that there would be splashes of blood upon the toilet from this, but to my surprise there were none.

During mid-shit, I felt this titanic piece of shit bottom out on the toilet and I felt as if it were forcing me off of the toilet lid. I leaned forward, imagining that I was shitting in the mouth of a Harlem ghetto slut named Lucy. I stood up and beheld.. The Annihilator.

Stuck On You

2010-01-25T15:06:00.000-05:00

I was watching The Price Is Right this morning and my stomach started churning and cramping up. At first, I thought it may have been the fat, ugly black bitch that was jumping up and down and hanging all over Drew Carey. Before long, I realized it was just me having to take a crap. The following picture is the original bowel movement.

I had a feeling that the turds may have been "pot stickers" so I got video of the flush as well.

After 4 or 5 more flushes, this turd in the picture below still remained. It was partially out of the water so the bathroom really smelled bad.

I was getting hungry for lunch so I left it there and went to Taco Bell to get a couple Beefy 5-Layer Burritos. When I returned home, I had to shit again. The final picture was of the next bowel movement that had an original turd from the previous dump.

I can't believe it stuck so well and so long and lasted through so many flushes. It's almost like I have been eating glue or somthing. The turd finally flushed on it's own, but took a total of 11 flushes to dislodge it. Every time I flushed I was singing that Lionel Ritchie song in my head "Stuck On You". That's what I will name it.

Look At Me

2010-01-21T09:18:00.000-05:00

I had dinner at BD's Mongolian Barbeque the night before this one. A couple bowls of spicy stir fry and some brown rice helped make this disgusting creation. As the 1st turd slid out of me, my asshole started burning. I realized I may have ate a few too many peppers the night before. As the 2nd turd was exiting, there was an assplosion. The 2nd turd was acting as a cork to keep some loose stool bottled up. This resulted in this nice shit smear in the bowl. These turds all seem to say "Look At Me".

"The Crimson Tide - Death of Eel"

2010-01-19T20:28:00.000-05:00

I had to hold my ass cheeks together for a long time and almost forgot my phone while running to the shitter for this masterpiece! I can't remember how many hot peppers I ate the night before, or how much beer I drank, but this thing ripped my asshole to shreds! While shitting out this beast I had visions of slaughtering pigs.

I name this piece "The Crimson Tide - Death of Eel" because there was lots of blood coming from my asshole after I shit and because the end of this gynormous foot long piece of crap looks like an eel's head.

Green Giant

2010-01-17T20:15:00.000-05:00

I didn't have any blue dye in the 24 hours before this crap came out of me so I'm completely puzzled as to why it's so green. I'm thinking it's a protein thing. Anyhow, the girth of this thing was pretty big. It streched me out good. The Green Giant has been born.

Big Brown Snake

2010-01-14T18:47:00.000-05:00

My guts were churning hard when I gave birth to this one. It felt like I was being split in two. I am certain I was gaping after I got this one out. I like how the toilet water changes the color of this specimen. This one left a pretty nice shit smear inside the bowl.

The Stuffed Clam

2010-01-10T11:27:00.000-05:00

I made stuffed clams for dinner last night. During dinner, I decided I would stuff another clam during my next bowel movement. I must say that the presentation is marvelous. Bon appetit!

"K-9 Turtlehead"

2010-01-09T21:34:00.000-05:00

To me, the funniest thing in the world is watching a dog take a shit. My dog had the most awesome turtlehead this afternoon as he grunted and groaned to shit out another magnificent turd.

Pieces Of Me

2010-01-08T10:11:00.001-05:00

This wonderful creation was born the morning after going to Red Lobster for dinner. A few Cheddar Bay Biscuits, a Caesar salad and some seafood helped me to create this scat, which I shall title "Pieces Of Me".

Sphincter Control

2010-01-05T09:48:00.000-05:00

You may take notice that this specimen broke in half as it entered the toilet bowl. As this turd slid out of me, I gradually tighened my sphincter to create this awesome achievement. It's so sharp I could probably have dried it out and used it as a weapon! This creation is a demonstration of my superior sphincter control.

"Deuces High"

2010-01-04T21:44:00.001-05:00

I nearly shit myself all over again standing there looking at this high tower of masterpiece!

"The Riddle Shit"

2010-01-03T16:18:00.001-05:00

Riddle me this,

Riddle me that,

Who took a shit,

And wiped it on that?

Hahahaha!!!

Peas And Corn

2010-01-03T14:32:00.000-05:00

This bi-colored piece of work is absolutely fabulous! It hurt so bad every time I forced one of these little nuggets out. I shall name it "Peas And Corn".

"Repulsive Biscuit Of Death"

2010-01-01T14:37:00.000-05:00

My puckered asshole summoned me and twitched, letting me know that I needed to grow a tail soon. When I shit this mother fucker out, it seemed to hang there and wouldn't drop into the bowl. This, in turn, produced such a vile smell I just wanted to die. Now, everyone loves the smell of their own brand (don't lie, you know you sniff your shit), but this time I was sickened.

I was particularly amazed at the strange formations on the 'floater', which seems to look like mucous of some sort...

Peek-A-Boo With My Butthole

2009-12-31T14:15:00.000-05:00

This enormous piece of crap was playing Peek-A-Boo with my butthole all morning long. Thank goodness I got it out because I really needed to make some room for the spicy Popeye's chicken I had for lunch. I think it just wanted to wish everybody a Happy New Year!

"Future Of Hate"

2009-12-29T21:14:00.001-05:00

A magnificent specimine! If I hated someone enough I would smear this shit all over their face for sure!

"Skyscraper"

2009-12-25T18:20:00.001-05:00

I filled the toilet with so much shit today it stacked up like a boatload of presents!

Merry Christmas from the Mad Shitter!

"The Brown-Eyed Winker"

2009-12-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

It was so strange how this absolute masterpiece came to life inside me, just begging to be released and spread happiness all around the bathroom.

I was walking to the shitter and every time I stepped with my left foot, I felt the turtlehead poke left. The same happened as I stepped with my right foot, all the way to the bathroom. When I sat down to finally shit out my turtle in full, the first part dropped out hard, then the rest was a little runny with a snot-like consistency.

Much to my amazement the turd assembled itself on the surface resembling a winking eye. Born today was the Brown-Eyed Winker!

Anal Menstruation

2009-12-23T12:08:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with my usual intestinal discomfort and knew this one was really going to hurt. Yesterday, when the cook at the Mongolian restaurant asked me if I wanted it spicy, I said "La. Make me cry". I had some pretty serious prairie dogging action happening so I went to the toilet to lay this one out. The 1st wipe would have been pretty clean if it were not for all the blood. I have once again begun my anal menstruation.

"Lonely Emotion"

2009-12-20T09:53:00.000-05:00

There was a chill in the air as I walked into the arts and crafts store... I'm sure if you photographed my face you could see the anxious look upon my face as my eyes frantically canvassed the area for a restroom sign. I didn't have much time to take my pants down so I hurried. I didn't even sit down and what I thought was a turtlehead was a massive explosion that hurriedly exited me. In that brief moment when I caught myself in the middle of sitting down I had visions of demons.

I was particularly amazed at how this piece just creeped down from the lid and suspended itself in time.

"Holy Diver"

2009-12-19T12:32:00.000-05:00

This off-centered turd was expelled after drinking a pitcher of beer and a lot of red peppers on pizza (with ground beef). If you look closely you can see the pepper pieces. I'm especially amazed at how this came out at such an angle, to kiss the side of the toilet. I call it "Holy Diver" because it slid slowly into the water after it was delivered.

The Reef

2009-12-16T15:35:00.000-05:00

I awoke in the morning after a night of spicy Mexican food and knew I would soon be creating another masterpiece. This one definitely set my ass on fire, but the flaming ass was definitely worth it when I set my eyes on this beautiful work. It reminds me of a coral reef. A stinky coral reef.

"Tomb Of The Damned Souls"

2009-12-14T19:26:00.000-05:00

It was early morning and my bowels churned and woke me from my slumber. I thought I was constipated at first, but the burning in my asshole was indicative that the toilet would soon be influxed with a mother load of spicy pain.

My dog came to my rescue (I hold his head when I shit), and the smell was so vile that he turned his head and wretched.

I named this bundle of scat "Tomb of the Damned Souls" because if you look closely you can see many unhappy faces inside of the turds.

... or maybe thats just my sick mind seeing things again.

Meet The Twins

2009-12-14T14:16:00.000-05:00

I woke up early in the morning with some pretty serious stomach cramps. I knew a trip to the shitter would make me feel better if I could manage to get one out. The first one was the hardest to expel from my body. You can't see it because it was lying below the twins that soon followed. If you click on the photo to view it full size you may take notice that I love coarse ground black peppercorns.

The Turd Hammock

2009-12-11T09:12:00.000-05:00

I was bored and wanted to leave a present for a friend. I felt steady pressure on my sphincter and knew a piece of art was ready to be born. I went to their toilet and used some of their toilet paper to weave a hammock through the toilet seat. I began to crown as I feverishly wove the hammock. I then proceeded to squat over it and begin my presentation. I then left it for my friend to find. He was definitely not happy about this surprise. I could swear I chewed my food up better than that.

"The Fabulous Cling-On" - Pre Wipe Experience!

2009-12-10T21:51:00.000-05:00

So I took a massive shit on a toilet lid today and got a hell of a nice shot.

"Croc-Of-Shit"

2009-12-06T23:12:00.000-05:00

This happy crocodile came to the surface for some air!

"The Second Trimester"

2009-12-04T09:15:00.000-05:00

Looks like my poo-fetus died prematurely. Look at the face on the bottom right!

"The Forest Gump Shit"

2009-12-03T14:26:00.000-05:00

It just kept coming, and coming, and coming....

The Candy Cane

2009-11-30T22:51:00.000-05:00

I would like to introduce myself as a new contributor to this beautiful blog. I will take pride in posting all the shit that's fit to print. I have struggled with a title for this beautiful specimen for several days. I was origanally going to call it "Riddle me this, Batman" and also thought about calling it "The Fishhook". That name reminded me of somthing much more sexual than this mighty beast. I then thought with Christmas fast approaching, perhaps a candy cane would help to usher in the holiday spirit. If you look closely, you might take notice of the subtle ambience of the hot red pepper flakes in this turd. My asshole puckered and burned for almost 24 hours after giving birth to this piece of art.

"Poltergeist"

2009-11-28T18:13:00.000-05:00

I swear I almost didn't make it to the porcelain god to give birth to this jetstream of shit. This one blasted the toilet so fucking hard it left marks on the bowl after I flushed the mother fucker.

"Darker Than Black"

2009-11-28T00:17:00.001-05:00

What Milk of Magnesia will do to one's soul...

"The Lucky Horseshoe"

2009-11-19T17:07:00.000-05:00

Ingredients:

1 Can of Jalapeno Cheese Sauce (Fritos)

1 Box of Triscuit brand crackers

6 Cans of Mountain Dew Fruit Punch (Blue) Game Fuel

Whoever gets to clean this up sure is lucky!

"Medusa Submerged"

2009-11-18T20:37:00.000-05:00

This one was knocking on my back door for a looooong time! If I stared and admired this bundle of turds any longer I would have turned to stone!

"Cliff-Hanger Umbilical"

2009-10-28T22:13:00.000-04:00

This most awesome specimen slid right out of my asshole just hours after I had the major squirts. This one must have been hanging on by a thread, literally! Wow, look at that awesome umbilical!

"Dancing With Mephisto"

2009-10-26T20:58:00.000-04:00

Even the master has accidents!